I must make a confession - I have not been content over the past couple of years. Feels good to have that said! Oh I am content as a mother, wife and daughter of a king. But as a homeschool mom and servant - not very content with those roles. Sometimes I wish for something more or maybe something for me, for peace in my home and compliant children. Of course it isn't easy to be a servant with 5 children to teach everyday, keep the house running somewhat in order and on schedule, find time to spend with my wonderful husband and the many other things that occupy the day of every mom. And I realize it would be a lot easier if I would surrender but that is another story all in itself....
I have been feeling very overwhelmed not only because of all the responsibilities that come with being a parent (and homeschooler besides) but realizing the many mistakes I have made as a parent. I know I am forgiven but unfortunately that doesn't always take away the consequences of our bad choices or behavior. The Lord is teaching me to wait and continuing to prune away the flesh from my life, as I walk through this troubled time.
Of course things are not all bad - I know I probably make it sound horrible experience and extremely miserable. The answer is - no. I am only miserable and it is only horrible when I dwell on the negative and whine because my life isn't different. Ever been there, or is it just me?
My problems were almost solved though when I decided it was time to send the kids to school and it may be time, BUT I realized I was making that decision because I was tired of dealing with the attitudes etc. of my 5 wonderful sons. I can't make the decision because they are not acting the way I want them to and they are not changing in the allotted time I have given them to. Sounds ridiculous, I know. So I have decided to send them to homeschool classes (Lord willing) this fall at the homeschool building - just two classes each and we will continue to attend our weekly homeschool group. The reasons for this decision are: first, prepare them for school (if that is the direction the Lord leads us) and second, help with my fall schedule. After a lot of prayer I believe the Lord is giving me the okay to go back to school. I know it is a lot to bite off but I will never know if I don't try. I am hoping to take classes in the evening and/or on Saturday. Study in the evenings,while the boys are at homeschool classes and whenever I can squeeze in the time.
So if you think of me PLEASE pray:
1. Wisdom
2. Unspoken - for my son
3. Strength
4. Peace
5. Contentment
6. And whatever else the Lord lays on your heart...
Thank you blogger friends and family...have a blessed day! And if you don't "see" me around now you know why...
Tammy, I think in one way or another we have all been in the same position. Maybe different circumstances, but we know the feeling. We know it is hard and not always fun... we understand. I will certainly keep you in my prayers. If there is anything else I could pray for specifically, feel free to drop me a note.
ReplyDeleteOh Lord, I lift up Tammy to you today. Please give her peace. Let her rest in your loving arms. Please Lord grant her wisdom. Lead her the way you want her to go. Please make it obvious. If there is something that you want in Tammy's life, please show her so she can continue to follow You. I also ask You to bless her family. Philippians 4:8 (New International Version) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Laura